Just As I Am

the truth about suffering

my heart is now suffering.  but it is the life of self that causes us pain.  what is dead does not suffer.  ~Fenelon

perfect tense

action that has been completed

hmmmmmmm....on a recent visit to my hometown I was introduced to a sweet woman who responded by saying she has visited my blog and had epecially enjoyed reading this list of things I wanted to accomplish during the year.  I had to admit that, with a quarter of the year gone, the only thing I knew I had done, for sure, was visit a few photobooths to start my collection of pics [which I hope to post once my scanner is back up and running.]  you know...fun stuff...How gallant! 

But looking back over the list today, I see that I have done at least two other things listed there:  visited Leah and gone to classes with her; and added more green to my diet.  I cannot say I have consistently told my husband, "I love you" everyday or written a note to someone I love every week....but it's never too late to start, right?  I am making progress.

I've always loved making lists and being able to mark things off.  Desires accomplished are sweet to the soul....and sometimes I even write things I forgot to put on my initial list after I've done them so I can have the satisfaction of marking them off too :)

One thing that has been a blessing to me each week, that isn't on the list,  is cooking with Jenna.  Every Thursday afternoon she and the boys come over and we spend time in the kitchen preparing a meal to enjoy together as a family when our husbands come home from work.  My peace comes from serving my family in ways that often seem insignificant and mundane....like cooking and cleaning.  I believe it is because it is part of what I was created to do.  Would I consider myself a person who naturally enjoys cooking and cleaning?  ha. Not really.  But when I choose to step into the Grace that is always available to me....I experience the joy that comes from knowing I am doing the right thing.  I have a sense of purpose, which is deeply satisfying. The things I dread become delightful!

Yesterday was Thursday; I didn't feel like cooking. I was tired and grouchy. But when I chose to take that step, I became the person I long to be...without resistance, without trying harder and totally without pretense!
I like to think of it as
perfect tense...

The Art of Living

All three of my daughters are amazing.  Each, in her own way, challenges and inspires me to buck the status quo and become the unique person I am meant to be.

During dinner the other night, Leah asked John and I if, looking back, life was all that what we had thought it would be.

I answered, "No"

and then I said, "But maybe, back then, I didn't know what life really is."

Then she asked what we would, yet, like to do/have in our lifetime.

Today I've been pondering what I want my LIFE to look like this year.

A line from the movie Shawshank Redemption really says it all: 
"Get busy living, or get busy dying."

And, to me, here's the difference.

Living means savoring the beauty of ordinary day duties; not just throwing things together to get it done.

Living means reading a book or watching a movie or TV show that makes me consider timeless truths or leads me to the accomplishment of my goals instead of frittering away time reading or watching things that do nothing to exhort me to excellence.

Living means taking time to listen to the Holy Spirit's still, small voice encouraging me to act on His suggestion of how I can minister to others, instead of fulfilling the obligatory expectations of the traditions of man bereft of any semblance of His love for that person because I'm too busy running the world's maze to consider his plan.

Living means throwing off the insecurity that holds me back from doing what I want  or feel called to do....getting "me" out of the way...instead of thinking "I can't possibly do that, because it's too risky."

Living means believing TRUTH instead of what seems to be true.

Living means being myself and ceasing to emulate others or what I think others expect me to be.

Living means getting rid of the material and mental clutter in my life instead of hoarding decaying things.

Living means thriving with purpose and not just coping with circumstances.

Living means trusting that God knows all of my needs and is faithful to meet them instead of thinking I am missing out.

I want to get busy living
and share with you the practical ways I'm doing it
as the year unfolds.
 
How about you
What's on your list?

cooking up balance

I honestly doubt that anyone even checks for updates on this blog anymore....I've been MIA for so long now that I'm struggling with putting my thoughts into words this morning...imagine that!
But for those of you still left....Hi Dad and Mom...I'm baaaaaaaack.

I've been somewhat miserable the last few weeks and finally realized my misery stemmed from a lack of balance in my days.  Content to sit at the computer and imbibe, I had begun to show the tell tell signs of e-gluttony:  a messy house; weak relationships; a desk smothered in internet articles I was going to read someday;  resentment towards whomever interrupted my love affair with the computer screen; a broader backside; and the habit of greeting visitors to my home in my pajamas....well, some of those things anyway...I'll let you guess which ones : )

As with most things, the computer is not evil....I need to spend time on it to accomplish some of my goals, but it must be balanced..

Do you struggle with balance too?  The computer may not be your downfall; it could be TV or a hobby or the amount of time you invest in "taking care of yourself" or a sport you love or reading or work ... anything that prioritizes your time to the exclusion of other needful things.

My solution has been something as simple as a little button on the microwave oven in my kitchen.  I love the way microwaves now have those specialty buttons that say "popcorn" or "frozen entree" or "defrost."  You don't have to figure anything out....you just push the appropriate button and voila! the button provides the proper balance of time needed to produce successful cooking.

My button doesn't say "popcorn" or "defrost"....it says "SET TIME"  and that little button has made a huge difference in my days.  True, I do have to use the keypad to program the amount of time I set, but it really doesn't matter, because I set it at 60 minutes every time I use it to cook up some BALANCE.

hmmmmmmm.....maybe the microwave manufacturers should produce a quick-button labeled BALANCE

In the morning, after my quiet time, I set it for 60 minutes while I do house work.  When it beeps I reset it for 60 minutes while I spend time on the computer.  All day I set the timer at 60 minute increments, balancing my time between what needs to be done and what I want to do.  The rule is 60 minutes of computer time and 60 minutes of what-ever-needs-to-be-done time...essential home maintenance first....mail and phone calls second, other activities third. 

I am finding a great amount of freedom in this.  I enjoy my housework more than ever, because I relax and do not hurry through it just to get to what I like to do....I know I have 60 minutes to work  and will get done what I can in that time, because there will be another hour or more in the day designated for it.  I seem to work more slowly and thoughtfully and thoroughly this way.

What if you go over your time limit....truthfully, I did while writing this because sometimes you don't want to break your train of thought [especially at my age]....it's okay ONCE IN A WHILE...just keep track of how much time you went over and add it to you next 60 minutes.  When I've been tempted to cheat a little, I've been reminded of this scripture.

So, there you have it...my beginning solution to balance in my days....one little push of the kitchen timer!

By the way...speaking of balance in our lives....go see this movie...The Ultimate Gift...I highly recommend it!